I hear you are expecting a little boy. I feel it is my duty to let you know a little of what you should expect. There is a reason why the older generation called them "bouncing baby boys." They are wired differently than we females. I have no idea what type of infant he will be- but after that stage, they tend to all go the same way.
He will learn to use a spoon wonderfully and yet insist on eating his cereal on the floor like a dog. And this will always happen when your Mother-in-law is visiting.
He will eat the entire bag of marshmallows before you get home from the store and you will only find the wrappers stuffed in the Little Debbie box.
He can wipe out 100 freezer pops in a matter of hours and do the same damage to any candy that you have hidden. If it's on the table for them to eat-he won't like it.
He will sneak a whistle to church and play during choir.
He will refuse to potty train until he is ready and it will be over (by this time you will be so exhausted it isn't even exciting.)
As soon as he's trained, he will take every opportunity to show you his new skill......you will never eat a hot meal at a restaurant again.
He will poke his own eye and cry with all sincerity that he now must be a pirate. (You can't laugh.)
He will handcuff himself to the faucet in the bathtub and cry for you to cut his arm off.
He will fall out of the tree house that is humanly impossible for him to climb into to begin with..
He will sneak out of the house and ride his tricycle naked....in the front yard.
He will use the shrubs as his personal potty but only when people are driving by.
He will ask embarrassing questions loudly in any store while you are checking out.
He will have one innocent word that sounds like a bad word and will always say it loudly in public.
He will put the cat in the hamster cage.
He will have an imaginary friend.
He will insist Jesus told him to shut up.
He will use your toothbrush as a toy.
He will tie the bedroom door to the foot of his bed.
He will use your favorite books to build an awesome ramp for his Hot Wheels.
He will scribble in your Bible.
He will draw a horrible picture of you and will be so proud of it, you will hang it on the refrigerator.
You will spend many hours and lots of money to make him the perfect bedroom and he will sleep in box from the dishwasher and declare it the best room ever!
He will sleep in the floor when you throw the box away.
In Kindergarten, he will change his sad face to a happy face on his progress report because he is quiet sure his teacher didn't mean it. In First grade, he will get in trouble at school but declare it worth it because flipping the peas with his fork was fun. In Second grade, he will innocently declare "Love is sleeping together" on his Valentine's Day project and humiliate you forever. In Third grade, he will tell all the teachers that you and your hubby are going on a date and getting motel and he just doesn't understand why. In Fourth grade, he will take a knife to school and show it off on the playground.
He will go fishing and catch himself or you more often than a fish. He will ask you how cool it would be if you were his Grammy and Grammy was his Mommy.
He will urinate outside, anywhere.
He will declare that you dress him like a baby at age 4.
He will hold such a rowdy boxing match in the shower that will make you check to insure he really is the only one in there.
He will put a red crayon in the dryer and you will have pink underwear for months.
He will put the cat in the cooler.
He will keep a deer leg and play with it.
He will find oysters on the beach and leave them in the cup holders in the van. ....remember it is summer time!
He will wear your good high heels outside to get his football in the rain.
He will never know where his homework, shoes or jacket is.
He will get upset every day because you tell him to brush his teeth.
He will somehow get a sock on top of the ceiling fan.
He will get stuck on the refrigerator.
He will break the child proof locks on the kitchen cabinets.
He will eat your vitamins and when you call poison control, you will learn that they call you back in a few days to make sure he is alive.
He will figure out how to undo his car seats' 5 point harness at age 2 but won't be able to tie his shoes as a teenager.
He will sleep in his rubber boots.
He will exclaim very loudly, in a crowded Wendy's "I can't believe I didn't go to jail when I burned that restaurant down." No matter how loudly you try to counteract that statement, you will totally regret having the personalized tag as you drive away. (You will jump every time the phone rings for a few days)........ He will totally steal your heart....and you love every single minute of it.
Love and blessings,
Sondra
