Vengeance

The ending of a school year always makes me reminisce.  I find myself recalling each of my sons' progression from Kindergarten and beyond...I even go into the cave of my own school days.  I was blessed with mostly good memories of school. I attended the same school from start to finish and had an overall positive experience.  My boys attended several schools, with one system being their primary one and again, mostly positive.  I recall triumphs, failings, fun days, hard lessons, friendships...it's all a part of learning.  I do believe our best days of education do not come  in a classroom, and I love that joy of learning I see in my children.  Between all three boys, I have one overwhelming moment of regret in regard to school.  My husband and I have always held teachers in high regard and almost without fail took the teachers' side over our children. We feel it is part of teaching them to obey authority. Of course, we have been blessed with good, honest teachers so this has worked out for us well.

Except this one time.

We have a son who is very hard on himself...he sets his standard very high and often gets very upset when he doesn't rise to his own expectations.  We did not make him this way.  He is a very successful student, from Kindergarten until 3rd grade, he had never made a B on a single assignment.  But then we entered 4th grade.    We did not know how to deal with what we now know is anxiety, or how to help him cope with his feelings.We were trying our best to cope with his growing anxiety over school work.   He got a teacher who had this marvelous idea that all children need to learn to fail.  I am so thankful I did not have her. I would probably have never graduated. I had enough issues with school but I had these silly teachers who told us we could do whatever we wanted to do- we could be who we aspired to be- we could achieve anything we worked for...so with this thought process, I was floored that a teacher would say, "He just needs to learn to fail. He'll be ok." We were trying to teach him it was ok to make mistakes, but to fail with our help?  When he learned to walk, I never pushed him down...he fell enough on his own.  He did learn to get up and he learned to RUN!  He was very nervous about riding a bike, but he wanted it so badly.  I do remember he never fell...he rode slowly and would put his foot down cautiously when he felt the tipping began. It drove me crazy watching this slow progression down the driveway.  He never fell over, we never made him fall, but learned to ride! And he rode and he rode and he rode.

Some people just don't fall over.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

She gave the class so many 'tricky' assignments and 'surprise' tests until he did, indeed fall over. He made a C, which was horrible to him.  He got so upset (now we see it as an anxiety attack) he left the school on foot.  I won't go in to all the details because he is very ashamed and it upsets him still.  But what I regret is I didn't stand up for him.  He felt awful. He felt so awful. He was made to feel like a bad kid. It has been the worst day in his life.  He begged us to just forget it, so we talked it over with the Principal and we dropped it.  No lawsuit, no school board hearing, no nasty emails.  But in my heart I wanted revenge. She killed a part of my sons' spirit.  It took many days of prayer and love and talking to get it back.  I  wanted vengeance. I wanted her to hurt like he hurt and to feel ashamed like he felt.  I wanted her to feel tricked and to feel wronged.  I wanted her to pay.   Thankfully I have a husband who is our spiritual leader of our home.  He reminded me that God says "Vengeance is mine."  So I prayed for bad vengeance on her. I prayed so many bad things I forgot this was about my son.....then I felt awful.  I prayed for God to have His way.

God's way is so much better.  I wanted her to pay for hurting my child. God wanted my child to be blessed for being wronged.

I recall our year of homeschool in 5th grade. ABeka curriculm- all A's.
I recall our first year at TCS, 6th grade. All A's. and the Paul Award for Christian Character.
And as I sat in the crowd on awards day, 7th grade, TCS...I saw a smiling, happy boy receive A-B Honor Roll recognition (one pesky 89) and then I heard the Junior High Paul Award goes to......and my smiling, son humbly took the certificate.

Yes, Your vengeance is better than mine. I would have destroyed a person, but You exalted Your child.  Nothing we would have gained can compare to the joy I see in my childs' face....the love of learning he has or the sweet spirit he exudes.  Thanks, God, for teaching me that even if it takes years, You do indeed repay.

And You repay well.

It's just a bite....

Eve knew what it was to literally walk with God in the cool of the day.  She knew full well that she was created from the first creation by the hands of The Creator.  She knew the voice of God.

And yet she still believed the liar and took a bite. 

And we think we are smarter, and we swallow it whole.

We read/hear/see lies at every turn.  The serpent told Eve that God didn't really mean what He said....and he is still telling the same lie.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
   unless you don't believe that Jesus is the only way to Heaven, that's o.k...and if you DO believe He is the only way to heaven, you don't really have to live for Him 24/7.
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
   unless you want to worship a god like Buddha or pray to a cross or worship the earth, that's o.k.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
    unless you stump your toe, you are very happy or you are really mad or just need another adjective in a sentence or you may even say you are a child of God and do not act in any way shape, fashion or form...that's fine. It's not a special word anyway.
Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
   unless you really want to go shopping or fishing or need to cut your grass because you were busy all week...
Honour thy father and thy mother.
    unless they make you mad...they are no more important than any other people you meet....
Thou shalt not kill.
    unless you have a reason, like they made you mad or you created them by accident and don't want them...
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
    unless you are really unhappy and realize you don't want to live this way any more. Besides, no one lives together any more..
Thou shalt not steal.
    unless you really need the item or your boss/friend or relative has enough money to replace it and wouldn't know you took it anyway....
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
     unless it will help you get out of trouble...
Thou shalt not covet.
     but there is no way in this world you can be around all your friends and not want what they have so this doesn't really make sense....

We see these lies every single day.  We become so dull to them that oftentimes we cannot even recognize the spiritual truth behind them. We MUST remember that this is a spiritual life we live and NOTHING we encounter is without a spiritual connotation. 

As a Christian we have to counter-act the lies, we must overcome the lies by...
#1 Putting GOD first in EVERYTHING
#2 Never placing our allegiance to an item- it's all about GOD!
#3 Use the Lords' name with reverence and BE the Christ Follower we say we are.
#4 Set the Sabbath aside as a HOLY day.
#5 Respect our parents now more than ever.
#6 Value ALL humans.  Human life is a miracle.
#7 Restore and nurture our marriage. Teach this DAILY to our children.
#8 Teach and preach that WORK is how things are obtained.
#9 Speak the TRUTH always
#10 Be content and teach contentment to our children.


We must recognize that every time we go against the Bible, we are being rebellious.  When we argue with Truth, we are being stubborn.
I Samuel 15:23 says  "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry."  This was said to Saul and it speaks to each of us today. 

Eve's choice to bite and believe the Liar got her banished from the garden.

Ours will get us banished from Heaven.

In the crowd

As a member of a more conservative group of believers, I have been criticized for being 'holier than thou.'  Because I choose to live a lifestyle separated from this world, some say our church 'thinks they are better than' others.  It blows my mind because I do not see it any where near being 'holier' or 'better than.'

I was in a powerful service a few days ago.  The song leader was singing, "Hallelujah, Thine the glory.  Hallelujah, amen.  Hallelujah, Thine the glory revive us again."

I looked at the front of the church.  It was filled with young people, as this was a youth camp.  This song is an old hymn, believed to be written in the 1800's. And in 2013, kids from all walks of life were praising the Lord.  Hand raised, tears flowing down their faces, feeling the joy, the awe, the condemnation of being the presence of the Almighty God.

We praise Thee, O God!
For the Son of Thy love,
For Jesus Who died,
And is now gone above.

Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Hallelujah! Amen.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Revive us again.

We praise Thee, O God!
For Thy Spirit of light,
Who hath shown us our Savior,
And scattered our night.

All glory and praise
To the Lamb that was slain,
Who hath borne all our sins,
And hath cleansed every stain.

Revive us again;
Fill each heart with Thy love;
May each soul be rekindled
With fire from above.

I looked around the sanctuary and my heart melted at what I saw.

I saw a family, put back together after promises were broken, playing with their children who will never know what Custodial Visitation is. I saw a couple holding a child the medical profession said would never be.   I watched a couple happily wrangle with a pew full of grandchildren and knew no one would ever guess they had walked the awful valley of the shadow years before as they buried their oldest son. They had fallen onto and in love with the Shepherd and their faithfulness has been rewarded over and over.  I saw a young teen, who was not supposed to live, worship His creator with head upturned, hands raised.  I saw more than one family, created by adoption, fulfilling the scriptures.  I saw a man once bound with addiction, living a clean life. I saw a prodigal daughter, seated with her family who had never stopped looking down the road for her.  I saw a faithful Mother, abandoned by her husband, yet faithful and steady to the Lord's house...being kept by the Father.  I saw a group of imperfect, broken people who have sold out to follow God. Who choose every day to live different, act different, be different for the sole purpose of winning the lost to Christ.

The world sees a lot of things when they look at us. I've been called a lot of names, but when I looked around tonight I just saw grace....a house overflowing with people covered by the wonderful grace of God. I cannot let persecution stop my joy.  I must tell the truth of the awfulness of sin, but I cannot forget the beauty of GRACE. 

Hallelujah! Thine the Glory!!!

Just Hold On

"You ask me how it is that I'm still standing.
You wonder how I made it through the storm.
I can't boast of any special powers.
There's no secret, I just held on.

I held on till the storm was over.
I don't claim to be a hero...I don't have all the answers.
But I held on..till the storm was over.
Not because I'm good, not because I'm great, not because I'm strong....
I just held on.

I can tell that things are finally happening.
I've got blessing I can call my own.
Many times I'd wonder if I could still make it.
But while I was wondering, I was still holding on."


This song was sang in our service last night. It was beautiful and touched many of us in very deep places.

I love it when the Lord does that.

Have you ever been in a storm?  A real weather storm?  I have weathered several hurricanes.  Most of the bad weather seems to come at night. At first, you can eat and hang out in your 'safe place' enjoying a Hurricane Party. After a while it begins to wear on you.  
The wind is so loud.
The trees begin popping.
You hear the thud as things are flung against the outside of the building.
The rain beats the windows.
The wind howls.
You begin praying for your house to be ok, for you cars to not be destroyed.
You pray for safety of everyone.

After a while, you just pray for it to be over.

A teacher from the Plaza Towers school in Oklahoma said that during the tornado, she prayed for her students. She lay across them and screamed, "It's ok.  It's going to be ok. We are going to be alright."

She literally lay across her students in the hallway and was hit by cinder blocks, dirt, rain, hail and eventually a car.

It lasted 7 minutes and she began to just beg for it to be over.

And then it was.


Thus it is with our spiritual battles.

At first, we pray for understanding. We pray for a solution. We pray for healing, our marriage to stay in tack, our loved ones to come to Christ.

Then we just pray it's over.

Just let us all survive.

We will deal with the destruction.

Deal with the heart ache.

Even deal with death, just let the storm be over.

We hold on.

And that's when we find God was there all along.  He picks up the broken pieces. 

He restoreth our soul....when we hold on.

Fathers Day

I'd like to dedicate this post to my hubby, Larry, who is a wonderful DADDY!

Larry grew up without a Dad in his home every day.  By age 7, he had been through 3 "Dad's" and was relieved to see the last two go.  He had regular visitation with his Father but did not get to see how a  Dad interacts with his children daily nor how a Mom & Dad worked together.  His Mom didn't get to know her Dad until she was older and she did not know either of her grandfathers.  His paternal grandfather died when he was 14, so he didn't have a lot to glean from.  Fortunately, his Mom became a Christian when he was 7, and the Lord began placing godly men in his life.   As he grew up and married, he realized he had to ask God daily for guidance on how to be a husband and eventually how to be a Father.  I am so grateful he knew where to go for direction.  At the young age of 25, he faced the unimaginable and became a widower...with a toddler to raise alone.  Again, he turned to God. Some told him how hard it would be and he was completely blown away by suggestions of giving his son to others...and he did a wonderful job with this sweet boy.

Years later, I became his wife (YAY!) and God blessed us with two more sons.  I will admit, we asked for a daughter....but God wisely granted us Casey, Gavin & Peyton and you can't exactly return them.  With each pregnancy, I saw Larry's excitement grow...he assured me how everything would go just fine, loved watching my growing belly.  He talked often and sang to the boys before they ever entered the world.  He was 'into' every step of pregnancy from the Nursery to the coming home outfit.   He reveled in who he referred to as  'my' boys.....they were and are his "Best Buddy".  He has never gone far without them. When he was hunting, they were, too.  Cutting grass...changing the oil...shooting his bow...fishing....reading....going to town- they were his shadows.  He explained EVERYTHING to them...the never just watched Daddy do any chore, they learned all about it in vivid detail.  As infants, he changed them, fed them, rocked them, walked them...would have nursed them if he could!  As they grew, he made sure they always had hunting equipment, fishing poles..whatever they needed to be with Dad- they had it. He mourned with me through our miscarriage and tenderly helped me to heal.  We were blessed for the first 17 years of our marriage that he worked from home and spent many more hours with our children than most Dads can.  I readily admit, he works overtime at being a Dad- I'd never want to be a single Mom.

Our oldest son is a Dad himself and now more than ever, I see how wonderful of a Dad Larry really was and is to our boys.  In Casey's gentleness with his own daughter, I see the sweet reflection of Larry during our boys' infancy.  He has so many mannerisms like his Father and it always brings a smile to see his gentle kisses, hear his songs and sweet conversations. Just last night, Larry was going on about Caseys "magic touch" with Carrington and i was taken back to the days when only Daddy would do for our sweet boys. It makes real the promises that God gave to my husband years ago as he asked God for direction...he did indeed become a great Daddy. A Dad of integrity. God has blessed him in so many ways...he has three sons who adore him, he has a great adult relationship with his Father and he even has a daughter in law whom he loves as his very own...icing on the cake- a gorgeous grand daughter!  God is so faithful and good to those who serve Him!

Sometimes, I remember the days of praying for a daughter. I remember questioning why God would not give us the one thing we desired.  It is almost laughable now...our sons have given us so much joy. And without our own girl, our hearts were just open to our daughter in law, Christiane, I cannot imagine loving a daughter more.  So, No, we were not denied daughters to punish us, but were given sons to be raised by a Father who would instill in them high values and thus bless future generations with three great Fathers.  One Dad, praying daily to get it all right can ( and has) began a legacy in his own family.  I pray I've been as good a Mom....so Happy Father's Day, Larry.  I love how you encourage men to be godly Dads. <3 nbsp="" p="">

The Innkeeper

A picture on Instagram stopped me in my tracks this morning.
It is oh, so true. When I read the Bible, I want to be brave Esther. Ready to do Gods bidding and lead my people to victory.
I see my courageous heart in David, willing to face the giant.
I am even assured I could be Noah and do a hard thing and save my family.

More often than not, I am the Innkeeper; so distracted by my current circumstances that I overlook Jesus when He arrives.
I'm really Martha- busily working for The Lord, and not realizing I need to visit with Him.

Most of the time, we are waiting for a huge moment to prove our devotion when In reality, God wants us to simply recognize Him in our everyday life.
So today, I "change the story".
I am the Innkeeper.
I recognize Who has asked to abide with me.
I make room for The One Who came to save me.
I choose Jesus.

And it's a New Year....

I took a long look at my internet life last year.  I had a not so pleasant internet/real life experience that made me question how much was too much to post online. I do have a facebook page and I love posting on it.  I am super blessed with lots of family and friends who are stretched from sea to shining sea and being able to communicate with them makes me SUPER happy.  My FB is set to private, only people I really know in real life are my friends, so while I post a lot and sometimes personal/emotional things on my page, it is no different than me telling any of my 'friends'....... and I would!  If you know me, you know I enjoy talking. =D 

I had a real life friend, who abandoned my husband and I in our ministry.  This person remained my FB friend (which was fine. Since they did the leaving, I left that to them and  I would NEVER delete someone over a petty reason), however, when we ran into each other in real life- it was awkward.

Really awkward.

It was quiet. It is hard to talk to someone who texted you one day and the next won't return calls...who was helping in your search for a church building//////////...who was begging you to be their Pastor and then telling you that you aren't preaching the truth.  It is hard to chit chat, as you can imagine.

So I received a snarky FB message about our encounter.  How they were shocked at my 'unfriendliness'.  
And they deleted me so I couldn't respond.

Well, in all honesty I didn't know HOW to act.  I didn't know WHAT to say. 

I wanted to cry.....I missed them.  I thought they were my friends.  I loved their children.  I wanted better for them spiritually than to be bouncing from one place to another.  I wanted to see them grow their talents at Gods' leading.  I wanted to see them laboring beside us, rooted in the Word of God.

I wanted to get mad.  They hurt me.  They hurt my husband. They hurt my kids.  They hurt the morale of our church family.  They lied.  They didn't hold up their end of the 'deal'.

But since we were in a church service, in front of people who knew nothing of any of this,
I did nothing.

It was all I could do.

And it was all wrong. (according to them)

So, I wondered what I should ever do online or in real life when I'm faced with hard situations.  This family refused to talk with us in person, so we have no idea what their 'take' is on anything.  We are left to wonder. But 'wondering' gets you in trouble- 'vain imaginations' lead to no good end, so we took it to God.  We gave it all to Him.  He has given us strength.  No answers, but strength. He is helping me to not look at everyone who walks in our doors as potential deserters.  I must look at them and love them as if they are here forever.  Just like I did this family, and even if all the families (Heaven forbid!) choose to leave us, I have done what He asked us to do.  

We minister to people but our service is to God alone.

Does my heart hurt?
Will it hurt again?

Yes

Does it make things ok?

No

Is God ever faithful?

Yes, yes, a thousand times YES!!!

I wanted a blog to encourage, to uplift and to connect and I will do it...with a bruised yet open, honest, hopeful heart.

So, with that behind me, I'm taking up the pen  er, typing my heart away to connect with my friends again.

  The Bible tells us that this will happen.
Psalm 55
"For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.  We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company."

Have you ever been hurt by a friend?  
Let's pray our hurts make us better, more faithful friends in this new year!

-Sondra